The Really Awful, Horribly Bad Joke
by PowerLeca
Summary: Omigoodness! New Roman Numerals! I'm back with yet MORE! *Part X up!* Fred and George are telling jokes in Potions... (it started out like that, anyway)
1. Part I: The Joke

A/n: Howdy, y'all! I'm PowerLeca and this is my very first fic. Very short, I'm just dipping my toes in the water and getting myself used to using ffn. One thing I'm somewhat good at is thinking up really bad jokes. So here goes! Whaddya think?  
  
Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish I owned them! But alas, the wonderful Ms. Rowling does...  
  
The Really Awful, Horribly Bad Joke  
  
"Heh! Good one, George! But I've got a better!"  
  
Fred and George Weasley were _supposed_ to be working on their Secrecy Potion this one Friday morning, but, as Fridays are with most students, it was proving quite hard to concentrate on how many grams of powdered brimstone they had added, and the twins had turned to telling bad jokes to pass the time.  
  
"All right, Fred, but just a minute, Snape's getting a little too close for comfort."  
  
The twins put on their best "I'm-just-innocently-brewing-my-potion" look as the greasy-haired Professor Snape sneered at their lumpy potions.  
  
"Ok, he's gone for now. Tell the joke!" whispered George.  
  
"Just till he's out of earshot... Ok here goes: What do you get when you cross Professor Snape, a pair of slacks, and an eye-patch?"  
  
"Ummm, got me. What?"  
  
"A One-eyed Trouser-Snape!"  
  
"Wha...? OH! Oh, bad mental image!" George then proceeded to punch his brother in the arm for his nasty mind.  
  
A/n: Hehe! Do ya get it? Huh? Do ya? Huh? All right y'all know what to do: R/R!  
  
Oh, and if anyone would like to contribute, I'm looking for ideas on what pranks an in-character Snape might pull on another teacher. Thanx! 


	2. Part II: What Snape did...

A/n: Omigosh! I GOT REVIEWS!! I'm so happy!!! *does happy dance* So happy, in fact, that I've decided to write another chapter! Who knows, this may even turn into an actual story… Nah…  
  
Disclaimer: *checks bank account for hoards of cash* Aw, consarnit! Nope, I still don't own 'em…  
  
  
  
Part II: What Snape did…  
  
  
  
Unfortunately, George was far too occupied in punching his brother to realize that Snape had frozen in his tracks not two tables away. He was slowly revolving on the spot at this very moment…  
  
You see, years of spying against Voldemort (and previous years of students) had taught our dear Professor how to pick up on clandestine conversations, and he had come to expect that kind of thing from these two. Well, maybe not THIS kind of thing…  
  
They were very lucky that none of the other students had heard their joke. They were very lucky that the other students passed off Snape's subsequent death-glare as just another Weasley prank uncovered by the wily Potions Master. They were very lucky that the other students were in the room and watching Snape as he glared his death-glare, because it checked his then near-homicidal temper into merely "Ooooh, you're gonna get it, but not with so much attention this way…"  
  
Fred was nursing his arm when he realized that sometime in the last half a minute or so, the room had gone silent.  
  
_Oh crap,_ thought Fred.  
  
_Crap on a stick,_ thought George.  
  
George was just wondering if the new veins pounding in Snape's temples were his version of a blush, as Snape managed to get out through his clenched teeth, "You two, after… class…"  
  
  
  
A/n: Dun-dun-dun!!! I'm getting more into this fic-writing thing…  
  
Ok, I still need some ideas for pranks Snape would pull! R/R! Thankies to CartoonJessie, tailchaser, and Lila Mae for the reviews! :) 


	3. Part III: After Class

A/n: Ya kno, I really shouldn't write another chapter to this, cuz I only got one more review. But hey! I got another REVIEW! YAY!!! *does another happy dance* Thanks to VLikesBlueberries! You liked it! You really liked it! Yeah, and I thought of a follow-up joke for ya. *wink* ;) Read on!  
  
Things I own: this plot, my own set of LOTR books, the characters?? Please? PLEASE?? Aw, crap, no  
  
  
  
After Class  
  
  
  
"So, once again, Weasley, you think yourselves to be…," here Snape paused to twist his face into an almost-Potter sneer, "_funnymen_. We'll see how funny you can be with some detention, shall we?" Here he turned to face them. "Mr. Filch has been having problems with the plumbing in the bathrooms lately, problems with can be traced to a batch of bad beef."  
  
Fred and George gulped, knowing several friends who were in the hospital wing with some nasty food-poisoning, and all of its symptoms…  
  
"For your detention, you two," he continued. "Will be his assistants in his endeavors for as long as these… *problems* persist. Do you understand?"  
  
After receiving two sullen, "Yes, sir" s from the twins, Snape continued, "You will report to Mr. Filch's office promptly after dinner. I'm sure you know where it is. Now go."  
  
Fred and George lost no time leaving the classroom and the glare of the livid Potions Master. Once safely outside, they began to vent.  
  
"Ugh! I can't believe it!" cried Fred. "It had to happen the same week everyone's got the runs…"  
  
"Really," said George. "Ya wanna know one thing, though?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Snape doesn't need trousers and an eye-patch. He's a prick just the way he is!"  
  
  
  
  
  
A/n: *pa-dump-chink* Hehehe, I just love puns!  
  
Pranks! Pranks! I need Snape pranks!! 


	4. Part IV: And they just got worse...

A/n: Darn my adolescent hormones! I thought up another… Super short, for those of you with little to no time, like me…  
  
  
  
And they just got worse…  
  
  
  
"You know, George, I've been thinking," said a shiny-faced Fred. The twins had just finished their hot showers after detention with Mr. Filch, and with what they had been doing, they felt in need of a good scrubbing. "It seems that the big events these past few years have been revolving around three people, and making them a little more common."  
  
"And who would they be?"  
  
"You-Know-Who, Snape, and Potter, or, as we know them now, Tom, Dick, and Harry."  
  
  
  
A/n: Guffaw! Guffaw! Ok, not really…  
  
I think I have enough Snape pranks, but I'm going to need a beta reader, cuz the story I want to write is a little more, um, story-like…  
  
interested? R/R! 


	5. Part V: In the Common Room

A/n: This one's a bit in another direction (not much). I received the inspiration for this chapter from Christina Teresa's fic "Late Bloomers." In particular, the part where Tara says, "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Tag one word onto that and you get the seed of this fic. That there's a good fic to read. Hehehe, the other part to the actual joke comes from the end of book 1 when Quirrell says something about Snape swooping around like a bat... Anyway, read and enjoy!  
  
In the Common Room  
  
Harry noticed Fred and George's unusual attention to cleanliness, and walked over to the twins just as they were recovering from a fresh bout of laughter.  
  
"I heard about your detentions with Filch. Ugh, nasty... So, who gave you two (A/n: must... fight... urge[I've got the urge]... to... put... y'all...) detention this time, anyway?"  
  
"Oh, you know, Mr. I've-got-a-big-swooping-cape-and-a-creepy-underground-hideaway, the bat-man himself," replied George.  
  
Harry stared at them, shocked, "Bruce Wayne???"  
  
A/n: The one word: Batman. Ooo, gotta love those billowy robes... especially in that scene in the movie where he's walking away from the trio in the hallway after "Someone might think you're... up to something!"  
  
that silky voice... *swoon*  
  
Ok, I've got my beta reader...  
  
*drumroll*  
  
Cherry Flavoured Hippo! *cheers*applause*  
  
It may be a while before I actually post my new fic, so in the meantime, I'll try to think up additional Snape jokes. (I love him so, but he leaves himself so open to fun-making!) 


	6. Part VI: And Then Hermione Got Involved....

A/n: Well, ugh, I'm tired. Powerlifting meet yesterday left me absolutely drained. FINALLY have time/patience to get this next chapter written down. Yeah, that last one was kinda weird, think of it as a set-up for this one… Go re-read it first if you haven't just read it. Get yourself in the right mind-set. Lalala. Lzlzlz. Hehe, I love inside jokes! (RAAA! Stupid Judges!) This one's a bit longer. Read! Enjoy! Review!  
  
  
  
And Then Hermione Got Involved…  
  
  
  
After hearing Harry's exclamation and the ensuing bout of laughter, Hermione snapped her DADA book shut, 'Like I'm going to get any studying done with that going on…' She walked over as Fred seemed to explain something to Harry, "No, you flubberworm, Snape!"  
  
"So what's got you three talking about Snape yet _again_?"  
  
Harry recovered first, "Well, did you hear about Fred and George's detention?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. So THAT's why you took so long in the shower. And I don't blame you either, eugh!" Hermione shuddered as she tried not to think about having to clean up the results of the recent wave of food-poisoning. "But what was that 'Bruce Wayne' thing all about?"  
  
"Well," said George. "I was just telling Mr. Flubberworm here who gave us that detention, but I have no idea where he got Bruce Wayne from…"  
  
"Stop calling me flubberworm!" retorted Harry. "You said 'Batman,' and Bruce Wayne is Batman, you know, in the comic…"  
  
"OooooooooOOOOOOoooohhhh," said George as realization dawned. "I remember something like that. I should have been a bit more specific: Vampire-bat- man!"  
  
Fred laughed at his brother and made a face bearing his teeth and hissing like a vampire.  
  
Hermione, who had just been reading about vampires, said, "Oh, I hardly think he's THAT dangerous. Just REALLY intimidating… like one of those really big fruit bats."  
  
Harry looked at her, grinning, "So you're saying that Snape is just a really big *fruit* bat?"  
  
"Yes," replied Hermione, not picking up on his intonation.  
  
Fred, however, picked up Harry's intonation quite readily, "Hermione says Snape is a big *fruit* bat…"  
  
The three boys paused a moment to look at each other before breaking into badly controlled snickers.  
  
*Click* Hermione finally got it. As she walked back to her books she muttered, "I didn't mean it like _that_…"  
  
  
  
  
  
A/n: Hehehe, puns are soooo much fun! R/R! :o)  
  
and Cherry Flavoured Hippo, if you're reading this… REPLY! *whip-crack*  
  
:o)  
  
OMG!!  
  
Alan Rickman was a voice on King of the Hill! HAHAHAHAHA! (King of the Hill, if you didn't know, is a prime-time cartoon on FOX set in small-town Texas) Funny as all get-out! Especially at the end when you finally heard him use a Texan accent. rotflmao! HAHAHAHAHAHA! 


	7. Part VII: Just a Tiny Bit More

A/n: a bit of a tangent here, I'm running out of Snape ideas, but I want more reviews! Consarnit, those things are sooooo addictive! Please write me one, even if it's just one word. I'll need a good review fix if I'm to think up another chapter…  
  
  
  
Just a Tiny Bit More  
  
  
  
A thought struck Hermione as she walked away from the sniggering boys.  
  
"You know, Harry," she said. "If Snape is Bruce Wayne, then Professor McGonagall is Selina Kyle."  
  
Fred and George, whose knowledge of the muggle DC comics was limited, looked questioningly at a mirthful Harry.  
  
Harry found enough breath to explain, "Bruce Wayne is Batman. Selina Kyle is Catwoman."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/n: hehehe! Hermione's so smart! Just tons of random info in that brain of hers… just like me! :)  
  
YAY! I have four return reviewers who shall be lauded here: tailchaser! (my very first!), Lila Mae!, Ce'Nedra! (me likie intellectual stuff), and The Evil Muffin Goat!  
  
"What ho, Gas Man?"  
  
~Alan Rickman quote from King of the Hill  
  
HAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
R/R! 


	8. Part VIII: The Morning After

A/n: I'm back! Yaaaayy! My well of bad Snape-jokes dried up for a time… (. But I'm better now! ( Hint for that last joke, I don't think y'all quite got it: What is McGonagall's animagus form? *sigh* the one I have for you is quite esoteric, and very dorky in nature, mainly because I learned the basis of it in Physics class. Enjoy anyway!  
  
Disclaimer: Gee, I forgot these for a while… The only things that are mine are the plot and the jokes, as I'm sure Ms. Rowling wouldn't want to have her name tied to such abominable things… (hehe)  
  
  
  
Part VIII: The Morning After  
  
  
  
After breakfast on Saturday morning, Hermione left her two friends to play their game of Enchanted Food Chess (Sausages V. Hashbrowns on a board of burnt and unburnt toast-squares). She started to walk briskly back up to her common room, her nose buried in some more "light reading": a book on physics and engineering that she picked up over the summer.  
  
She was just getting to the part about velocity and acceleration when WHAM! She was just wondering what person carrying that amount of momentum could cause her to bounce off like that (the mind works in strange ways), as she heard a low and angry, "Miss Granger…"  
  
She looked up to see none other than Professor Snape, looking livid that a student had dared invade his sphere of personal space so carelessly.  
  
"So you believe yourself so talented as to be able to read and walk at the same time?" He eyed her as she struggled to get up after being laid out flat on the floor. (A/n: Heh heh… No! Don't go there, PowerLeca, it's not _that_ kind of fic…) "Look where it got you… Ten points from Gryffindor for your cockiness!"  
  
And he stepped over her with a sneer and swooped off, black cloak billowing around his long legs… (A/n: I thought I told you not to go there?!)  
  
Hermione stood and picked up her book, muttering, "Jerk…" and continued on her way. Upon arrival in the common room, she flopped into one of the big read chairs and resumed reading her book. Fred and George were in the corner, huddled over a bit of parchment. Hermione heard the words "Canary Creams" and decided it was best not to interfere.  
  
After a page or two, Hermione dropped the book on the table with a look of comprehension on her face.  
  
"So Snape is measured in [meters per cubic second]…"  
  
And then proceeded to fall into a fit of helpless laughter.  
  
Unable to stand not being in on the joke, Fred got up, with George in tow, to search for a clue in her book. Once he found her page, a list of terms and units greeted his searching gaze. This is what he found:  
  
…  
  
[meters] - displacement  
  
[meters per second] - velocity  
  
[meters per square second] - acceleration  
  
[meters per cubic second] - jerk  
  
…  
  
Putting the book down, Fred looked at his brother and shook his head sadly.  
  
George looked at the list, and walked back to their table. "Nerd…"  
  
  
  
A/n: Better than nothing? Eh, that's ok…  
  
Omigoodness! I now have TWO PAGES of reviews!!! *happy dance* *cries*  
  
Thank you! I feel so loved! 


	9. Part IX: The Storm

A/N: Omigoodness! The great authoress Severa reviewed my fic! *feels honored* Ok, everybody, right after reviewing my fic, go and read hers (especially Rubida Luna, it's a hoot!). Anyway, on with this fic. I think I thought of it while brushing my hair, but the constant strenuous demands of a waning senior year have kind of taken over my life. So little time for writing. :(  
  
  
  
The Storm  
  
  
  
The rest of the day passed uneventfully (well, about as uneventfully as a Saturday at Hogwarts can pass). It had been pretty warm and muggy all day, and as night fell, storm clouds began to gather overhead. In no time, drops of chubby rain were falling *splat*…*splat* on Hogwarts grounds, and far away one could see flashes of lightening slowly making their way to the school.  
  
Hermione Granger was nearing the end of the thick physics & engineering book, by now moved to her bed to read. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil were leaning out the window of the girls' dormitory, watching Professor Sprout hurry in from the greenhouses before the rain got really heavy.  
  
Never seeming to feel comfortable in silence, Lavender spoke, "What do you think would happen if one of the professors got stuck out there in this thunderstorm?"  
  
Parvati, already sleepy, replied, "I dunno," and yawned.  
  
Hermione looked up from her book, still a bit miffed about losing those points this morning, "I know what you'd call it if Professor Snape were stuck out there…"  
  
"What?" asked the two girls at the window in unison.  
  
"Greased Lightning."  
  
  
  
A/n: hehehe, I love thunderstorms! I love Snape, too! AP tests are coming up, and I haven't studied! *gasp* (I love Hermione, too!)  
  
You know the drill by now. R/R 


	10. Part X: The Author Got Kind of Lazy This...

FIC CHALLENGE!!! FIC CHALLENGE!!!  
  
I, PowerLeca, do hereby challenge anyone who chooses to read this to write a Harry Potter fic. The fic must be about a curse that makes a girl go through the feel of pregnancy (i.e. she 'feels' the swollen ankles and the baby kicking, but there's nothing actually there; she gets cravings, mood swings, etc.). The girl should preferably not be an OC. Must contain Severus Snape (my fav character! :) ).  
  
Review this if you intend to accept the challenge. First chapter within a week, subsequent chapters no longer than a week apart. Max 10 chapters.  
  
Go forth and write!  
  
~PowerLeca  
  
PS  
  
According to the rules of ffn, this cannot be JUST a challenge… so here is another joke to satiate their demands…  
  
Ron: Oh, Hermione! You should have seen McGonnagall just now, she was FURIOUS!  
  
Hermione: What did you do this time, Ron?  
  
Ron: That's beside the point, and it wasn't me anyways.  
  
Hermione: *sigh* What is the point then?  
  
Ron: McGonnagall was in a real state; she looked like she was about to have kittens! 


End file.
